Everything Week 1 Taught Us Was Wrong. Except the Algorithm. Sort Of.
Syracuse Keeper League, Week 2
Everything Week 1 Taught Us Was Wrong. Except the Algorithm. Sort Of.
Have you ever let somebody else use your Netflix account for a weekend and then come back to discover that the service no longer has the faintest idea who you are? Not somebody whose tastes overlap with yours enough that the damage can be contained, either. I mean somebody who spends two days watching Korean crime dramas, Love Is Blind, three different documentaries about cults, six hours of children’s television, and one Steven Seagal movie they insist they clicked by accident. You log back in on Monday expecting The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, maybe one of those prestige documentaries you keep adding to your list without ever actually watching, and Netflix is suddenly asking whether you would like to continue Too Hot to Handle: Germany. Years of behavioral data have been wiped out because one person spent forty-eight hours turning your carefully cultivated profile into the digital equivalent of a ransom note.
That is approximately where the Syracuse Keeper League stands after two weeks.
Week 1 gave us just enough information to become dangerous, because naturally we took one Sunday of evidence and immediately began turning it into laws of nature. Jim had apparently constructed the league’s first Death Star. Travis had an A+ roster that merely suffered through one catastrophic afternoon, complete with Kyler Murray disappearing after one drive. Dave’s D+ draft grade already looked embarrassing for Yahoo, although maybe 190 points was simply one of those Sundays where everything goes right. Josh probably wasn’t going 0-14, but the larger point of Yahoo’s evaluation still seemed at least vaguely connected to reality. Erica looked ordinary. Parkhurst was still the defending champion and therefore deserved a little patience. Tom looked annoyingly legitimate, which was inconvenient because Yahoo had told us beforehand that he might be.
Then Week 2 came along, took almost every conclusion we had just reached, fed it through a wood chipper, and handed the pieces back to us in a grocery bag.
Jim went from 207.5 to 90.5. Erica went from 136.5 to 202.5. Dave followed his supposedly suspicious 190 with another 186.5 and now leads the entire league in scoring. Travis followed 107 with 108, which would be remarkable consistency if we were tracking blood pressure instead of fantasy production. Josh, whom Yahoo projected to finish 0-14, beat one of Yahoo’s A+ teams by a single point, and that A+ team is now 0-2. So is the defending champion.
At this point Yahoo’s algorithm resembles the Netflix homepage after somebody else’s children have been in the house for a weekend: it is still making recommendations with tremendous confidence, but there is growing evidence that the underlying profile has suffered permanent psychological damage.
That is approximately where the Syracuse Keeper League stands after two weeks.
Week 1 gave us just enough information to become dangerous, because naturally we took one Sunday of evidence and immediately began turning it into laws of nature. Jim had apparently constructed the league’s first Death Star. Travis had an A+ roster that merely suffered through one catastrophic afternoon, complete with Kyler Murray disappearing after one drive. Dave’s D+ draft grade already looked embarrassing for Yahoo, although maybe 190 points was simply one of those Sundays where everything goes right. Josh probably wasn’t going 0-14, but the larger point of Yahoo’s evaluation still seemed at least vaguely connected to reality. Erica looked ordinary. Parkhurst was still the defending champion and therefore deserved a little patience. Tom looked annoyingly legitimate, which was inconvenient because Yahoo had told us beforehand that he might be.
Then Week 2 came along, took almost every conclusion we had just reached, fed it through a wood chipper, and handed the pieces back to us in a grocery bag.
Jim went from 207.5 to 90.5. Erica went from 136.5 to 202.5. Dave followed his supposedly suspicious 190 with another 186.5 and now leads the entire league in scoring. Travis followed 107 with 108, which would be remarkable consistency if we were tracking blood pressure instead of fantasy production. Josh, whom Yahoo projected to finish 0-14, beat one of Yahoo’s A+ teams by a single point, and that A+ team is now 0-2. So is the defending champion.
At this point Yahoo’s algorithm resembles the Netflix homepage after somebody else’s children have been in the house for a weekend: it is still making recommendations with tremendous confidence, but there is growing evidence that the underlying profile has suffered permanent psychological damage.
Midnight Marauders 90.5, Any Given Sunday 202.5
So much for the Death Star
Seven days earlier, Midnight Marauders looked like the first genuinely terrifying roster in the league, and what made Jim’s 207.5 particularly ominous was that it did not depend on one absurd 60-point performance that everyone could dismiss as unsustainable. The scoring came from everywhere at once, which usually feels more real and therefore more dangerous: Bijan Robinson had 41.5, Justin Jefferson had 31, Isaiah Likely had 27, DJ Moore had 21, Nico Collins added 20.5, and by the end of Week 1 Jim’s lineup had the unmistakable look of something nobody particularly wanted to see again.
Then Week 2 turned the whole thing upside down. Bijan fell to 18, Jefferson to eight, Likely to eight, and DJ Moore managed only half a point before leaving Thursday night with a shoulder injury, which is precisely why raw fantasy totals can sometimes tell a story that is technically accurate and still completely misleading. Drake Maye gave Jim nine at quarterback, Travis Etienne managed 10 in the superflex, and suddenly the same roster that had looked structurally sound seven days earlier could barely clear 90. Jim did have Tank Bigsby’s 18.5 and Romeo Doubs’ 12 on the bench, but there was no hidden alternate lineup that was going to solve a 112-point problem; this was not managerial malpractice so much as one roster simultaneously losing its fastball.
Erica had the exact opposite Sunday. Any Given Sunday went from a fairly ordinary 136.5 in Week 1 to 202.5, with Davante Adams scoring 40, Dak Prescott adding 31, Omarion Hampton producing 28.5, Aaron Jones 21.5 and Chris Olave 22. In other words, the team that looked pedestrian last week suddenly became the team Jim looked like last week, while Jim’s team turned into the version of itself nobody imagined after watching Week 1.
There should probably be a rule about this, because fantasy football repeatedly teaches it and we repeatedly refuse to learn it: if you decide a team is dominant after one game, you should be required to wait seven days before discussing that opinion in public.
Jim is 1-1.
Erica is 1-1.
One of them has scored 207.5 and 90.5.
The other has scored 136.5 and 202.5.
The records are identical, the experiences are not remotely similar, and the Netflix algorithm would now like to know whether you enjoy Scandinavian murder mysteries.
Seven days earlier, Midnight Marauders looked like the first genuinely terrifying roster in the league, and what made Jim’s 207.5 particularly ominous was that it did not depend on one absurd 60-point performance that everyone could dismiss as unsustainable. The scoring came from everywhere at once, which usually feels more real and therefore more dangerous: Bijan Robinson had 41.5, Justin Jefferson had 31, Isaiah Likely had 27, DJ Moore had 21, Nico Collins added 20.5, and by the end of Week 1 Jim’s lineup had the unmistakable look of something nobody particularly wanted to see again.
Then Week 2 turned the whole thing upside down. Bijan fell to 18, Jefferson to eight, Likely to eight, and DJ Moore managed only half a point before leaving Thursday night with a shoulder injury, which is precisely why raw fantasy totals can sometimes tell a story that is technically accurate and still completely misleading. Drake Maye gave Jim nine at quarterback, Travis Etienne managed 10 in the superflex, and suddenly the same roster that had looked structurally sound seven days earlier could barely clear 90. Jim did have Tank Bigsby’s 18.5 and Romeo Doubs’ 12 on the bench, but there was no hidden alternate lineup that was going to solve a 112-point problem; this was not managerial malpractice so much as one roster simultaneously losing its fastball.
Erica had the exact opposite Sunday. Any Given Sunday went from a fairly ordinary 136.5 in Week 1 to 202.5, with Davante Adams scoring 40, Dak Prescott adding 31, Omarion Hampton producing 28.5, Aaron Jones 21.5 and Chris Olave 22. In other words, the team that looked pedestrian last week suddenly became the team Jim looked like last week, while Jim’s team turned into the version of itself nobody imagined after watching Week 1.
There should probably be a rule about this, because fantasy football repeatedly teaches it and we repeatedly refuse to learn it: if you decide a team is dominant after one game, you should be required to wait seven days before discussing that opinion in public.
Jim is 1-1.
Erica is 1-1.
One of them has scored 207.5 and 90.5.
The other has scored 136.5 and 202.5.
The records are identical, the experiences are not remotely similar, and the Netflix algorithm would now like to know whether you enjoy Scandinavian murder mysteries.
HoldinIn 142, The Glass Clowns 141
Yahoo’s nightmare becomes self-aware
This may be the most satisfying result of the young season simply because Yahoo spent the entire preseason begging for it to happen.
The Glass Clowns received an A+, entered the season ranked first in Yahoo’s power rankings and were projected to finish 11-3. HoldinIn received an F and a projected record of 0-14, which is the kind of forecast you usually reserve for a team whose owner disappeared after the draft and left seven players on injured reserve.
Week 2 result: Josh 142, Trey 141.
The fun part is that this was not some hidden HoldinIn eruption where Josh suddenly discovered six superstars. Caleb Williams scored 9.5 before later leaving with a hamstring injury, Saquon Barkley gave him four after having his own injury interruption, and Baltimore’s defense produced three. Josh won because DeVonta Smith scored 28, Dalton Kincaid had 22, Stefon Diggs scored 21 and TreVeyon Henderson added another 21, which was enough to turn Yahoo’s perfect 0-14 prediction into a piece of historical fiction before September was over.
Trey’s side is more painful because the final box score creates the illusion of a managerial crime that did not actually happen. Jaxson Dart scored zero while Trevor Lawrence scored six on the bench, which looks brutal when the loss margin is one point, except Dart was injured on the Giants’ first possession Monday night and never returned. Trey did not sit through the weekend choosing a zero over a six; he started a quarterback who barely got to participate in the game.
That is exactly why the Bad Result/Bad Decision Rule needs to survive from Week 1. Fantasy hindsight loves to rewrite events so that every losing lineup becomes evidence of incompetence, when sometimes the real explanation is much simpler: the player got hurt.
The standings add another layer of comedy. Trey has scored 293 points through two weeks, which is actually more than Josh’s 283.5, yet Josh is 1-1 and Trey is 0-2. The Glass Clowns may still be better than their record, but records have never shown much interest in hearing closing arguments.
This may be the most satisfying result of the young season simply because Yahoo spent the entire preseason begging for it to happen.
The Glass Clowns received an A+, entered the season ranked first in Yahoo’s power rankings and were projected to finish 11-3. HoldinIn received an F and a projected record of 0-14, which is the kind of forecast you usually reserve for a team whose owner disappeared after the draft and left seven players on injured reserve.
Week 2 result: Josh 142, Trey 141.
The fun part is that this was not some hidden HoldinIn eruption where Josh suddenly discovered six superstars. Caleb Williams scored 9.5 before later leaving with a hamstring injury, Saquon Barkley gave him four after having his own injury interruption, and Baltimore’s defense produced three. Josh won because DeVonta Smith scored 28, Dalton Kincaid had 22, Stefon Diggs scored 21 and TreVeyon Henderson added another 21, which was enough to turn Yahoo’s perfect 0-14 prediction into a piece of historical fiction before September was over.
Trey’s side is more painful because the final box score creates the illusion of a managerial crime that did not actually happen. Jaxson Dart scored zero while Trevor Lawrence scored six on the bench, which looks brutal when the loss margin is one point, except Dart was injured on the Giants’ first possession Monday night and never returned. Trey did not sit through the weekend choosing a zero over a six; he started a quarterback who barely got to participate in the game.
That is exactly why the Bad Result/Bad Decision Rule needs to survive from Week 1. Fantasy hindsight loves to rewrite events so that every losing lineup becomes evidence of incompetence, when sometimes the real explanation is much simpler: the player got hurt.
The standings add another layer of comedy. Trey has scored 293 points through two weeks, which is actually more than Josh’s 283.5, yet Josh is 1-1 and Trey is 0-2. The Glass Clowns may still be better than their record, but records have never shown much interest in hearing closing arguments.
Three & Out 186.5, Thugz On Drugz 162.5
At some point the D+ becomes Yahoo’s problem
There is a point where a joke stops being a joke because too much evidence accumulates behind it.
Yahoo gave Dave’s draft a D+.
Dave scored 190 in Week 1.
Then he scored 186.5 in Week 2.
Three & Out now leads the entire Syracuse Keeper League with 377.5 points, and after two weeks we can probably stop treating this as a funny one-off in which several players happened to have career afternoons at the same time. Jaxon Smith-Njigba scored 42 this week, Tyler Shough added 26.5, Dalton Schultz scored 26, while Kyren Williams and D’Andre Swift combined for another 41. Dave’s bench did not contain some alternate universe in which he left another 50 points sitting there; Geno Smith’s 16.5 would have improved slightly on Jordan Love, but otherwise the lineup was basically where it belonged.
Kev, meanwhile, scored 162.5, which is a perfectly respectable total and would have beaten several teams this week. Amon-Ra St. Brown gave Thugz On Drugz 35, Brock Purdy had 29.5, Jake Ferguson scored 20 and Chase Brown added 21, but there was no bench decision lurking underneath the result that changes the story. Kev did not get outmanaged. He got outscored by the league’s best offense through two weeks.
The standings now give us one of the strangest early-season comparisons: Dave has 377.5 points, Tom has 376.5, and exactly one point separates the two highest-scoring teams in the league even though Yahoo evaluated their drafts as though they had been assembled by people operating at completely different levels of competence.
Tom got an A-.
Dave got a D+.
This has the feel of one of those standardized tests where two people reach the same answer, except one of them gets marked wrong because he failed to show his work.
There is a point where a joke stops being a joke because too much evidence accumulates behind it.
Yahoo gave Dave’s draft a D+.
Dave scored 190 in Week 1.
Then he scored 186.5 in Week 2.
Three & Out now leads the entire Syracuse Keeper League with 377.5 points, and after two weeks we can probably stop treating this as a funny one-off in which several players happened to have career afternoons at the same time. Jaxon Smith-Njigba scored 42 this week, Tyler Shough added 26.5, Dalton Schultz scored 26, while Kyren Williams and D’Andre Swift combined for another 41. Dave’s bench did not contain some alternate universe in which he left another 50 points sitting there; Geno Smith’s 16.5 would have improved slightly on Jordan Love, but otherwise the lineup was basically where it belonged.
Kev, meanwhile, scored 162.5, which is a perfectly respectable total and would have beaten several teams this week. Amon-Ra St. Brown gave Thugz On Drugz 35, Brock Purdy had 29.5, Jake Ferguson scored 20 and Chase Brown added 21, but there was no bench decision lurking underneath the result that changes the story. Kev did not get outmanaged. He got outscored by the league’s best offense through two weeks.
The standings now give us one of the strangest early-season comparisons: Dave has 377.5 points, Tom has 376.5, and exactly one point separates the two highest-scoring teams in the league even though Yahoo evaluated their drafts as though they had been assembled by people operating at completely different levels of competence.
Tom got an A-.
Dave got a D+.
This has the feel of one of those standardized tests where two people reach the same answer, except one of them gets marked wrong because he failed to show his work.
Tommy C’s Wanna B’s 175.5, The Practice Squad 137.5
Unfortunately, Yahoo may have gotten one right
This is becoming inconvenient.
After Week 1, we could still treat Yahoo’s draft grades as a source of comedy because one good Sunday does not prove much. Tom’s 201 was impressive, but fantasy football has produced plenty of one-week monsters that vanish immediately afterward, and there was still time for us to assume the A- was just another algorithm confidently getting ahead of itself.
Then Tommy C’s Wanna B’s scored 175.5.
Matthew Stafford rebounded from five points in Week 1 to 29, Jahmyr Gibbs scored 31, Travis Kelce had 25 and Breece Hall added 21, which means Tom’s offense has now produced 376.5 points through two weeks and is exactly one point behind Dave for the league lead. There has not been one obvious gimmick holding the whole thing together, and that is probably the part everyone else should dislike most.
Parkhurst’s 0-2 start, on the other hand, needs a little more context than the box score provides. James Cook gave The Practice Squad 30.5 and Ja’Marr Chase had 26, but Malik Nabers was dealing with a shoulder injury during the Giants game, while George Kittle’s 18 points on the bench came while he was still working his way back from an Achilles issue and a limited Week 1 workload. Cam Ward’s 21 was also available, but even a more favorable reconstruction of Parkhurst’s lineup does not erase a 38-point loss.
The defending champion is now 0-2 with 277.5 points, 11th in the league, and while the grace period remains technically active, someone has moved the paperwork onto the commissioner’s desk.
The problem, of course, is that the commissioner currently has his own problems.
This is becoming inconvenient.
After Week 1, we could still treat Yahoo’s draft grades as a source of comedy because one good Sunday does not prove much. Tom’s 201 was impressive, but fantasy football has produced plenty of one-week monsters that vanish immediately afterward, and there was still time for us to assume the A- was just another algorithm confidently getting ahead of itself.
Then Tommy C’s Wanna B’s scored 175.5.
Matthew Stafford rebounded from five points in Week 1 to 29, Jahmyr Gibbs scored 31, Travis Kelce had 25 and Breece Hall added 21, which means Tom’s offense has now produced 376.5 points through two weeks and is exactly one point behind Dave for the league lead. There has not been one obvious gimmick holding the whole thing together, and that is probably the part everyone else should dislike most.
Parkhurst’s 0-2 start, on the other hand, needs a little more context than the box score provides. James Cook gave The Practice Squad 30.5 and Ja’Marr Chase had 26, but Malik Nabers was dealing with a shoulder injury during the Giants game, while George Kittle’s 18 points on the bench came while he was still working his way back from an Achilles issue and a limited Week 1 workload. Cam Ward’s 21 was also available, but even a more favorable reconstruction of Parkhurst’s lineup does not erase a 38-point loss.
The defending champion is now 0-2 with 277.5 points, 11th in the league, and while the grace period remains technically active, someone has moved the paperwork onto the commissioner’s desk.
The problem, of course, is that the commissioner currently has his own problems.
To Be Determined 154, Hunter Hurts Field Black 108
The world’s least useful consistency
Week 1: 107.
Week 2: 108.
There is something almost admirable about Travis’s ability to locate exactly the same neighborhood twice, although unfortunately that neighborhood appears to have very poor schools and declining property values.
The first loss came with a perfectly reasonable explanation because Kyler Murray lasted one drive, entered concussion protocol and finished at minus-one. That is pure fantasy bad luck, the kind of event no manager can anticipate and no Monday-morning hindsight can fix.
Week 2 is harder to explain away. Christian McCaffrey scored 27, but Jalen Hurts gave Travis 17.5, Rhamondre Stevenson six, Jameson Williams five, Colston Loveland one, T.J. Hockenson five and Aaron Rodgers 4.5 in the superflex. More importantly, there was no bench cavalry waiting to rescue the lineup; Hunter Hurts Field Black had only 23 total bench points, so Travis cannot even torture himself with some alternate combination that would have changed the outcome.
Bernie did not need another Week 1 explosion to take advantage. Josh Allen scored 46, Ashton Jeanty added 20.5, Tyler Warren had 14.5, and To Be Determined assembled enough everywhere else to reach 154 despite leaving Jaylen Waddle’s 21 on the bench. The result leaves Bernie at 2-0 with 329 points, although the standings also show only 260 points against, the lowest total in the league, which means To Be Determined has been both good and fortunate so far. Those things are allowed to coexist.
Travis’s standings line is considerably uglier. Hunter Hurts Field Black has scored 215 points, easily the fewest in the league, while allowing 361.5, the most of anyone. The schedule has treated him horribly, and drawing Jim’s 207.5 in Week 1 is the fantasy equivalent of walking outside and immediately being hit by a falling piano, but points against cannot explain 107 and 108.
At some point the offense has to enter the conversation.
Yahoo gave this roster an A+.
Perhaps somebody else has been using the account.
Week 1: 107.
Week 2: 108.
There is something almost admirable about Travis’s ability to locate exactly the same neighborhood twice, although unfortunately that neighborhood appears to have very poor schools and declining property values.
The first loss came with a perfectly reasonable explanation because Kyler Murray lasted one drive, entered concussion protocol and finished at minus-one. That is pure fantasy bad luck, the kind of event no manager can anticipate and no Monday-morning hindsight can fix.
Week 2 is harder to explain away. Christian McCaffrey scored 27, but Jalen Hurts gave Travis 17.5, Rhamondre Stevenson six, Jameson Williams five, Colston Loveland one, T.J. Hockenson five and Aaron Rodgers 4.5 in the superflex. More importantly, there was no bench cavalry waiting to rescue the lineup; Hunter Hurts Field Black had only 23 total bench points, so Travis cannot even torture himself with some alternate combination that would have changed the outcome.
Bernie did not need another Week 1 explosion to take advantage. Josh Allen scored 46, Ashton Jeanty added 20.5, Tyler Warren had 14.5, and To Be Determined assembled enough everywhere else to reach 154 despite leaving Jaylen Waddle’s 21 on the bench. The result leaves Bernie at 2-0 with 329 points, although the standings also show only 260 points against, the lowest total in the league, which means To Be Determined has been both good and fortunate so far. Those things are allowed to coexist.
Travis’s standings line is considerably uglier. Hunter Hurts Field Black has scored 215 points, easily the fewest in the league, while allowing 361.5, the most of anyone. The schedule has treated him horribly, and drawing Jim’s 207.5 in Week 1 is the fantasy equivalent of walking outside and immediately being hit by a falling piano, but points against cannot explain 107 and 108.
At some point the offense has to enter the conversation.
Yahoo gave this roster an A+.
Perhaps somebody else has been using the account.
Lamar My Balls in LaPorta 163, Shawnshank Redemption 153
The prosecution temporarily loses its case
Burst entered Week 2 on the inaugural Bold Strategy, Cotton Watch List after leaving Patrick Mahomes and Chuba Hubbard on the bench in Week 1, which meant the quarterback decisions were always going to receive a little extra scrutiny this time around.
Mahomes scored 29.
On the bench.
Except Jared Goff scored 30.5.
This is the problem with prosecuting fantasy managers: sometimes the evidence refuses to cooperate. Burst also got 35 from CeeDee Lamb, 20.5 from Bucky Irving and enough elsewhere to reach 163, while Shawn rode another enormous Jonathan Taylor game—41 points—plus 24 from Derrick Henry and 18 from Trey McBride to stay within striking distance.
Shawn did leave Jaylen Warren’s 14.5 behind Ladd McConkey’s six, which would have narrowed the gap considerably, but even the cleanest hindsight lineup does not quite flip the result. Burst gets the win, the Bold Strategy file remains open, and the prosecution is forced to request a continuance.
Burst entered Week 2 on the inaugural Bold Strategy, Cotton Watch List after leaving Patrick Mahomes and Chuba Hubbard on the bench in Week 1, which meant the quarterback decisions were always going to receive a little extra scrutiny this time around.
Mahomes scored 29.
On the bench.
Except Jared Goff scored 30.5.
This is the problem with prosecuting fantasy managers: sometimes the evidence refuses to cooperate. Burst also got 35 from CeeDee Lamb, 20.5 from Bucky Irving and enough elsewhere to reach 163, while Shawn rode another enormous Jonathan Taylor game—41 points—plus 24 from Derrick Henry and 18 from Trey McBride to stay within striking distance.
Shawn did leave Jaylen Warren’s 14.5 behind Ladd McConkey’s six, which would have narrowed the gap considerably, but even the cleanest hindsight lineup does not quite flip the result. Burst gets the win, the Bold Strategy file remains open, and the prosecution is forced to request a continuance.
The Two-Week Belief System
Two Sundays ago, we thought Travis had one of the strongest rosters in the league, Trey might have had the strongest, Dave had drafted badly, Josh might genuinely struggle to win a game, Jim had built something terrifying, and Parkhurst’s defending-champion status bought him all sorts of patience.
Now Dave leads the league in scoring, Trey is 0-2, Travis has scored 215 total points, Josh has already made 0-14 impossible, Jim has produced both a 207.5 and a 90.5, and Parkhurst is sitting next to Trey and Travis in the 0-2 waiting room wondering whether anyone brought magazines.
Meanwhile Tom just keeps scoring.
Maybe fantasy football is not really about determining who is good. Maybe it is about continually revising how confident we are that anybody is good, right up until December arrives and three consecutive Sundays suddenly become history.
That would explain quite a bit.
Two Sundays ago, we thought Travis had one of the strongest rosters in the league, Trey might have had the strongest, Dave had drafted badly, Josh might genuinely struggle to win a game, Jim had built something terrifying, and Parkhurst’s defending-champion status bought him all sorts of patience.
Now Dave leads the league in scoring, Trey is 0-2, Travis has scored 215 total points, Josh has already made 0-14 impossible, Jim has produced both a 207.5 and a 90.5, and Parkhurst is sitting next to Trey and Travis in the 0-2 waiting room wondering whether anyone brought magazines.
Meanwhile Tom just keeps scoring.
Maybe fantasy football is not really about determining who is good. Maybe it is about continually revising how confident we are that anybody is good, right up until December arrives and three consecutive Sundays suddenly become history.
That would explain quite a bit.
Week 2 Average Joe’s Power Poll
1. Three & Out — Dave has scored 190 and 186.5 and leads the league with 377.5 points. At this point the D+ grade belongs in Yahoo’s personnel file, not Dave’s.
2. Tommy C’s Wanna B’s — Tom is one point behind Dave in total scoring, sits at 2-0 and has yet to provide any evidence that Week 1 was a fluke.
3. To Be Determined — Bernie is also 2-0 with 329 points, although the league-low 260 points against deserves mention. Good team, favorable early schedule; both statements can be true at once.
4. Any Given Sunday — Erica is only 1-1 but sits third in league scoring with 339 points after dropping 202.5. Her record currently undersells what the offense has done.
5. Thugz On Drugz — Kev scored 162.5 and lost to the highest-scoring team in the league. Nothing about the performance warrants a major downgrade.
6. Shawnshank Redemption — Shawn lost by 10 but still scored 153 and has 317 through two weeks.
7. Lamar My Balls in LaPorta — Burst scored 163, won, and correctly started Goff over Mahomes. The Bold Strategy file remains open but has been returned to the cabinet.
8. Midnight Marauders — Jim has scored 207.5 and 90.5 in consecutive weeks, which makes ranking him less an exercise in analysis than an attempt to predict lake-effect snow.
9. HoldinIn — Josh has already made Yahoo’s 0-14 projection mathematically impossible, which seems worth several places on principle.
10. The Glass Clowns — Trey is 0-2 despite scoring more than Josh, and the roster is probably better than the record; unfortunately, the standings have never cared much about nuance.
11. The Practice Squad — The defending champion is 0-2 and 11th in scoring. The grace period is beginning to resemble a limited-time offer.
12. Hunter Hurts Field Black — Travis has scored 107 and 108, which is remarkable consistency in the least useful possible direction.
1. Three & Out — Dave has scored 190 and 186.5 and leads the league with 377.5 points. At this point the D+ grade belongs in Yahoo’s personnel file, not Dave’s.
2. Tommy C’s Wanna B’s — Tom is one point behind Dave in total scoring, sits at 2-0 and has yet to provide any evidence that Week 1 was a fluke.
3. To Be Determined — Bernie is also 2-0 with 329 points, although the league-low 260 points against deserves mention. Good team, favorable early schedule; both statements can be true at once.
4. Any Given Sunday — Erica is only 1-1 but sits third in league scoring with 339 points after dropping 202.5. Her record currently undersells what the offense has done.
5. Thugz On Drugz — Kev scored 162.5 and lost to the highest-scoring team in the league. Nothing about the performance warrants a major downgrade.
6. Shawnshank Redemption — Shawn lost by 10 but still scored 153 and has 317 through two weeks.
7. Lamar My Balls in LaPorta — Burst scored 163, won, and correctly started Goff over Mahomes. The Bold Strategy file remains open but has been returned to the cabinet.
8. Midnight Marauders — Jim has scored 207.5 and 90.5 in consecutive weeks, which makes ranking him less an exercise in analysis than an attempt to predict lake-effect snow.
9. HoldinIn — Josh has already made Yahoo’s 0-14 projection mathematically impossible, which seems worth several places on principle.
10. The Glass Clowns — Trey is 0-2 despite scoring more than Josh, and the roster is probably better than the record; unfortunately, the standings have never cared much about nuance.
11. The Practice Squad — The defending champion is 0-2 and 11th in scoring. The grace period is beginning to resemble a limited-time offer.
12. Hunter Hurts Field Black — Travis has scored 107 and 108, which is remarkable consistency in the least useful possible direction.
Week 3: Coming Up Next
To Be Determined vs. HoldinIn — Bernie is 2-0, Josh has already climbed out of Yahoo’s 0-14 dungeon, and Yahoo has To Be Determined favored 143.59-122.86. The algorithm, displaying the resilience of somebody who keeps returning to the same bad relationship, has decided it is ready to trust itself again.
Hunter Hurts Field Black vs. Any Given Sunday — The league’s lowest-scoring team gets the team that just scored 202.5. If Travis lands on 109, we may have to stop treating this as coincidence and begin investigating whether his roster is governed by a mathematical sequence.
Midnight Marauders vs. Thugz On Drugz — Kev gets the league’s least predictable roster. Jim has scored 207.5 and 90.5, so Thugz could be facing Godzilla or the guy inside the Godzilla suit, and nobody will know which version showed up until Sunday.
Tommy C’s Wanna B’s vs. Lamar My Balls in LaPorta — Tom continues to look annoyingly legitimate, while Burst continues to make quarterback decisions interesting enough to require committee review. There is potential here.
Three & Out vs. Shawnshank Redemption — Dave enters Week 3 undefeated and leading the league in scoring after receiving a D+ draft grade. At some point he should be permitted to request an amended transcript from Yahoo.
The Glass Clowns vs. The Practice Squad — Yahoo’s preseason No. 1 team against the defending champion, both sitting at 0-2. One of them is very likely leaving Week 3 at 0-3, which gives this matchup the unmistakable atmosphere of a meeting where somebody has already placed a cardboard box next to your desk.
Two weeks into the Syracuse Keeper League, the only thing we have learned with any confidence is that almost everything we learned after Week 1 was wrong. Jim was unstoppable until he wasn’t, Erica was ordinary until she scored 202.5, Dave’s draft was supposedly bad until it became the highest-scoring roster in the league, Travis’s A+ team had one unlucky Sunday until it scored 108 the next week, and Josh’s 0-14 season lasted exactly seven days.
Yahoo, meanwhile, keeps recalculating, taking all of this new information—including the injuries, the partial games, the one-drive quarterbacks and the week-to-week scoring swings—and feeding it back into a model that was already having an identity crisis before the season began.
Somewhere inside a server, the algorithm is still trying desperately to figure out who we are now.
By Week 4, it will probably be recommending Paw Patrol.
To Be Determined vs. HoldinIn — Bernie is 2-0, Josh has already climbed out of Yahoo’s 0-14 dungeon, and Yahoo has To Be Determined favored 143.59-122.86. The algorithm, displaying the resilience of somebody who keeps returning to the same bad relationship, has decided it is ready to trust itself again.
Hunter Hurts Field Black vs. Any Given Sunday — The league’s lowest-scoring team gets the team that just scored 202.5. If Travis lands on 109, we may have to stop treating this as coincidence and begin investigating whether his roster is governed by a mathematical sequence.
Midnight Marauders vs. Thugz On Drugz — Kev gets the league’s least predictable roster. Jim has scored 207.5 and 90.5, so Thugz could be facing Godzilla or the guy inside the Godzilla suit, and nobody will know which version showed up until Sunday.
Tommy C’s Wanna B’s vs. Lamar My Balls in LaPorta — Tom continues to look annoyingly legitimate, while Burst continues to make quarterback decisions interesting enough to require committee review. There is potential here.
Three & Out vs. Shawnshank Redemption — Dave enters Week 3 undefeated and leading the league in scoring after receiving a D+ draft grade. At some point he should be permitted to request an amended transcript from Yahoo.
The Glass Clowns vs. The Practice Squad — Yahoo’s preseason No. 1 team against the defending champion, both sitting at 0-2. One of them is very likely leaving Week 3 at 0-3, which gives this matchup the unmistakable atmosphere of a meeting where somebody has already placed a cardboard box next to your desk.
Two weeks into the Syracuse Keeper League, the only thing we have learned with any confidence is that almost everything we learned after Week 1 was wrong. Jim was unstoppable until he wasn’t, Erica was ordinary until she scored 202.5, Dave’s draft was supposedly bad until it became the highest-scoring roster in the league, Travis’s A+ team had one unlucky Sunday until it scored 108 the next week, and Josh’s 0-14 season lasted exactly seven days.
Yahoo, meanwhile, keeps recalculating, taking all of this new information—including the injuries, the partial games, the one-drive quarterbacks and the week-to-week scoring swings—and feeding it back into a model that was already having an identity crisis before the season began.
Somewhere inside a server, the algorithm is still trying desperately to figure out who we are now.
By Week 4, it will probably be recommending Paw Patrol.
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