WEEK 8: THE MIDTERM
SKL WEEK 8: THE MIDTERM
Report cards are due. Costumes are mandatory. The spreadsheet is taking both far too seriously.
Week 8 landed in the narrow part of the calendar where American schools traditionally combine two activities that should never happen on the same day: academic evaluation and children arriving dressed as Batman. So naturally the Syracuse Keeper League is doing both. The Midterm grades are due, the Halloween parade has reached the cafeteria, and twelve teams are wandering through the hallways dressed as monsters, movie characters, ghosts and, in one case, a preseason D+ draft grade. Somewhere behind a folding table in the grading office, a spreadsheet has been created to determine whether the student dressed as a 5-3 contender is actually a 5-3 contender.
The spreadsheet is unsigned, the formulas are suspiciously well-commented, and one of its first official acts after coming online was to begin asking uncomfortable questions about Bernie. This is why people were happier before analytics.
Back in Week 4, the first report cards were mostly instinct with numbers attached. Four weeks later, that is no longer enough. The league has spent half a season arguing about who is good, who is unlucky, who has had an easy schedule and who is being persecuted by forces beyond human understanding, so the nerds have taken over the grading office and built something capable of checking the claims. The basic idea is simple: your record is the costume. All-play tells us what is underneath.
Before we start pulling masks off, though, we still have to deal with what actually happened in Week 8, because the league spent Sunday doing its best to make several of the grades obsolete before the ink dried.
WEEK 8: THE COSTUME PARADE
The Practice Squad 157, Three & Out 151.5
Dave finally lost, which will come as a tremendous relief to anyone who had begun worrying that this would never happen and that the Rodney Dangerfield routine was going to become legally indefensible. Parkhurst handled it, and he did it in a way that makes the loss almost useless as evidence against Dave. Three & Out scored 151.5, a total that would have beaten most of the league. The Practice Squad simply scored more.
That matters because Parkhurst is no longer a comeback story in the cute, early-season sense. He started 0-3 and is now 5-3 with five straight wins, which means the league has officially reached the part of the horror movie where everyone should stop asking whether Michael Myers is still alive and start asking why nobody locked the door. Dave, meanwhile, drops to 6-2 after what amounts to the fantasy equivalent of getting a 92 on an exam and discovering the defending champion sitting one desk over got a 95.
The standings finally show a loss next to Dave’s name. Nothing about the underlying performance suggests anyone should relax.
Shawnshank Redemption 149.5, Toilet Bowl or Bust!! 143.5
Tom’s season has become one of those situations where the report card and the last three quizzes appear to belong to different students. The semester-long work still looks excellent. The scoring still looks excellent. The all-play numbers still look excellent. The standings now say 4-4 because Tom has lost three straight.
Shawn did not need anything bizarre to make that happen. There was no Monday miracle, no bench catastrophe and no defensive player accidentally scoring 40 because the game turned into a bar fight. Shawn simply produced another strong week and Tom produced another good-but-not-good-enough one. That is how Shawn has reached 5-3 without generating nearly as much drama as half the league: he keeps submitting the assignment, getting a good grade and leaving while everyone else is standing at the teacher’s desk arguing about partial credit.
There is also the matter of Tom apparently looking at a three-game losing streak and renaming the franchise Toilet Bowl or Bust!!, which is either admirable self-awareness or the fantasy-football equivalent of changing your major halfway through the semester because Organic Chemistry got difficult. The underlying numbers still insist this is one of the better teams in the league. The team name appears less convinced.
Hunter Hurts Field Black 164, Lamar My Balls in LaPorta 143.5
Burst scored 143.5, tied for seventh-best in the league this week, so this particular loss does not belong in the Hall of Great Fantasy Injustices. He would have lost to seven teams. Unfortunately, one of the teams he actually drew was Travis, who scored 164 and finished second on the week.
That distinction matters because Burst’s season-long complaint is real even when every individual loss is not. The week before, he scored 160 and still lost to Parkhurst’s 167.5; this week was more ordinary, but it arrived in the middle of a season in which the opponent draw has repeatedly behaved like Charlie Brown’s Halloween neighborhood. Sometimes there really is a rock in the bag. Sometimes Charlie Brown just did not get much candy either. The reason the costume still works is that, after eight weeks, Burst has gotten enough rocks for the pattern to be measurable.
Travis, on the other hand, has gone from one of the league’s biggest early disappointments to one of its hottest teams. Over the last three weeks, Hunter Hurts Field Black has averaged 9.67 teams beaten per week, tied with Parkhurst for the best recent scoring profile in the league. The Week 2 version of this team scored 108. The Week 8 version scored 164. Somewhere in between, either the roster changed, the universe changed or Travis was replaced.
His Halloween costume is therefore simple: Travis. Nobody has conclusively established that it is actually him.
The Glass Clowns 181.5, Thugz On Drugz 132
Trey did not merely beat Kev; he submitted the highest score of Week 8 and then apparently stayed after class to ask whether there was extra credit. The Glass Clowns scored 181.5, and the important part is that there was no hidden bench story sitting behind it. Trevor Lawrence scored 20.5, Kenneth Walker 21.5, Harold Fannin Jr. 23, Kirk Cousins 29.5 and Tampa Bay’s defense 22. The bench totaled only 19.5. There was no director’s cut that made the performance look better. This was the theatrical release.
Kev has no managerial scapegoat either. The bench did not contain a winning lineup. Trey simply had the better roster and the better week, which makes this one more meaningful than a routine loss because Kev’s recent decline is becoming harder to explain away. At Week 4, Thugz On Drugz looked like one of the league’s strongest teams. Four weeks later, the offense has gone from quietly dangerous to simply quiet.
Trey has moved in the opposite direction. The preseason No. 1 ranking looked absurd for about a month. Now The Mask is back on, and it turns out the costume may have teeth.
To Be Determined 152.5, Any Given Sunday 140
The spreadsheet spent most of the week building a case that Bernie’s record was ahead of the quality of his scoring. Bernie responded by scoring 152.5 and winning again, which is why statistical prosecution is difficult.
More importantly, this was not one of those wins where the matchup happened to supply an opponent having a worse day. Bernie got 38.5 from Tony Pollard, 32.5 from Josh Jacobs, 29.5 from Josh Allen, 16 from DeMario Douglas and 15 from Washington’s defense. That is a good week by any reasonable standard. Erica’s 140 was not terrible either. She got 37 from Bhayshul Tuten and 22.5 from Dak Prescott, and there was no obvious winning lineup sitting untouched on the bench.
Bernie was simply better, which is inconvenient because the season-long spreadsheet still believes the 5-3 record is wearing makeup. Ferris Bueller has been caught skipping school and then aced the exam anyway. The disciplinary hearing has been postponed.
HoldinIn 126, Midnight Marauders 125.5
Jim lost by half a point.
There are normal losses, there are bad-beat losses, and then there are losses that cause someone to stare at the Yahoo screen long enough for the monitor to dim while reconsidering whether fantasy football has ever contributed anything positive to adult life. This was the third kind.
Josh is now 3-5. Jim is 2-6. That sounds like a meaningful difference until you look at the scoring underneath it, where Josh owns the worst all-play profile in the league by a substantial margin and Jim’s is considerably better. The standings do not care, which is exactly why this matchup is the perfect transition into the spreadsheet. If we judge teams only by record, Josh is a game better than Jim. If we judge them by what their scores actually did against the league each week, the story changes dramatically.
The schedule has apparently decided to dress as a practical joke.
THE SYLLABUS
The base grade comes from all-play. Every week, pretend every team played every other team. If your score would have beaten nine of the other eleven teams, you go 9-2 for that week. If you would have lost to all eleven, congratulations: you have discovered a way to go 0-11 without technically losing eleven games.
After eight weeks, every team has played 88 imaginary games. That strips away the actual schedule and asks a much more useful question: how good were your scores compared with everybody else’s scores?
Recent work matters too, because the last three weeks show us who is improving, who is fading and who is still living off September grades. Luck then goes in the margin. The simplest version is Wins Gained or Lost, which compares actual wins with the number of wins a team’s weekly scoring would have produced against an average opponent. Then there is Schedule Difficulty, measured here by the average weekly scoring rank of the opponents you actually faced. A lower opponent rank means a harder schedule; an opponent average around fourth means you have spent the semester running into teams near the top of the weekly scoreboard, while an average around eighth means the seating chart has been considerably friendlier.
Those are related ideas, but they are not the same thing, and that distinction turns out to matter quite a bit once we begin grading everyone’s complaints.
TODAY’S MATH LESSON
There will be a quiz. There will not actually be a quiz, but threatening one remains the only known method for preventing twelve fantasy owners from scrolling directly to their own grade.
The first kind of luck is who you draw. Burst is the laboratory example because his opponents have averaged roughly the fourth-best weekly score in the league, the toughest opponent profile in the SKL. The second kind is when you draw them. If you score eleventh and face the highest scorer, the hard opponent did not actually cost you anything because ten other teams would have beaten you too. If you score eleventh and draw twelfth, however, the schedule has just manufactured a win out of a week that deserved almost none.
The cleanest proof that these are different is actually Dave. His opponents have averaged about eighth in weekly scoring, one of the easiest schedules in the league, yet his actual six wins are only 0.27 above expectation. In other words, Dave has consistently drawn weaker opponents without getting much extra record out of it, largely because his own scores were already good enough to beat most of the league. He has enjoyed an easy route without needing the route to manufacture victories. That is “who you draw” without much “when you draw them,” and it may be the least satisfying possible answer for everyone who wanted the spreadsheet to expose him.
Josh provides the opposite lesson. His all-play record through eight weeks is 16.5-71.5, which translates to roughly 1.5 expected wins, and he has three. His opponents have not been especially easy—the average opponent has finished around sixth in weekly scoring—but the timing has been extraordinarily helpful. The schedule did not consistently give Josh bad teams; it gave him beatable teams precisely when his own score happened to be capable of beating somebody.
Burst is the inverse. He sits at 2-6 despite a 42-46 all-play record, almost league average and worth about 3.8 expected wins, while facing opponents who average roughly fourth in weekly scoring. The combination has cost him about 1.8 wins relative to expectation.
Then there is Bernie. To Be Determined is 5-3 despite a 41-47 all-play record, worth about 3.7 expected wins, and has also drawn one of the easier schedules. The spreadsheet is not accusing Bernie of fraud. It merely believes the student dressed as a 5-3 contender should consent to a routine inspection of the costume.
The model therefore upholds one owner’s complaint and one complaint about another owner. Burst really has faced the nastiest opponent draw in the league, while the other eleven owners are also correct that Dave has had one of the easiest. The important thing is that neither situation is freakish enough to require a congressional investigation. Josh’s approximately +1.5 wins and Burst’s approximately −1.8 are noticeable, but they are still the sort of schedule swings that show up with reasonable frequency over eight weeks. Nobody is being visited by a fantasy-football poltergeist. Some people are just regular lucky, and some people are regular unlucky, which is much less satisfying because there is no one to sue.
The Swami reviewed the findings and announced that he had already reached all of the same conclusions without using Excel. When asked to produce supporting evidence, he pointed at the crystal ball. When asked whether the crystal ball supports pivot tables, he declared the interview hostile and left.
THE MIDTERM REPORT CARDS
Three & Out — Dave
Week 4: A → Midterm: A
Costume: A D+ draft grade.
Dave’s 63-25 all-play record is the best in the league, and even his Week 8 loss was strong enough to beat most of the field. More importantly, he is the best example of why schedule difficulty and wins gained are not the same statistic. His opponents have averaged almost exactly eighth in weekly scoring, one of the friendliest draws in the league, yet his record is only about a quarter-win ahead of expectation because most weeks Dave did not need help. The schedule gave him a soft landing; he was usually already flying the plane correctly.
At this point the D+ draft grade is less a legitimate grievance than a vintage Halloween costume Dave refuses to put back in storage. Everyone remembers what Yahoo said. Everyone also has eight weeks of evidence that Yahoo was wrong.
The Curve: 63-25 all-play · 5.73 expected wins · 6 actual · +0.27 · Opponents: 8.0 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Excellent work. Student may stop carrying the D+ around like evidence from a wrongful-conviction documentary.
The Practice Squad — Mike Parkhurst
Week 4: C → Midterm: A
Costume: Michael Myers.
Parkhurst is now 5-3 after five straight wins, owns the second-best all-play record in the league and is tied for the best recent three-week scoring profile. The Week 8 win over Dave only strengthens the case, and the schedule offers no obvious loophole: Parkhurst’s opponents have averaged around sixth in weekly scoring, basically ordinary territory, while his actual record lands exactly on his expected five wins.
There is no need to rehabilitate the résumé anymore because it has already climbed out of the grave and is standing behind everyone.
The Curve: 55-33 all-play · 5.00 expected wins · 5 actual · 0.00 · Opponents: 5.8 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Please stop making everyone check whether you are actually dead.
Shawnshank Redemption — Shawn
Week 4: B → Midterm: A−
Costume: Frankenstein’s monster.
Shawn’s 53-35 all-play record is third-best, and his actual record is almost exactly what the scoring says it should be. His opponents have averaged just under sixth in weekly scoring, so there is no schedule illusion and no statistical costume here, just a roster that still looks like somebody assembled it from unrelated body parts in a laboratory and then discovered it could play football.
That may be the most annoying kind of contender because there is almost nothing to argue about. Shawn is good, the record says he is good, the spreadsheet says he is good, and even the luck column shrugs.
The Curve: 53-35 all-play · 4.82 expected wins · 5 actual · +0.18 · Opponents: 5.9 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Strong semester. Continue keeping Mr. Winston away from the chemistry lab.
Toilet Bowl or Bust!! — Tom
Week 4: A → Midterm: B
Costume: A vampire.
The season-long résumé remains excellent, but the last three weeks do not. Tom has lost three straight while averaging only 3.5 teams beaten per week over that span, and the schedule cannot really be blamed for the slide. His opponent draw has been easier than average, while his actual four wins sit about three-quarters of a win below what the all-play profile deserves.
So the cape still looks good, the GPA is still strong and the earlier work remains on the transcript. Lately, though, nobody has seen the fangs. Renaming the franchise Toilet Bowl or Bust!! during a three-game losing streak is either an attempt to reverse the curse or Tom deciding that if the semester is going badly he may as well change the course title before anybody notices.
The Curve: 52.5-35.5 all-play · 4.77 expected wins · 4 actual · −0.77 · Opponents: 7.6 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Strong GPA. Recent assignments are becoming concerning. Team-name change has been forwarded to Student Services.
The Glass Clowns — Trey
Week 4: B → Midterm: B+
Costume: The Mask.
The Week 8 high score was not a fluke, and Trey’s all-play profile has now climbed above .500 while the recent work continues to improve. The preseason favorite is starting to resemble the version everyone expected, which means the joke is no longer that Yahoo had him ranked first. The joke may soon be that everyone spent a month laughing at Yahoo for it.
His 5-3 record is still about six-tenths of a win ahead of expectation, so there is some favorable timing mixed in, but the recent scoring trend makes that considerably less interesting than it was a month ago. The costume is starting to look more like the face underneath it.
The Curve: 48.5-39.5 all-play · 4.41 expected wins · 5 actual · +0.59 · Opponents: 6.9 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Preseason ranking may now be cited without triggering immediate laughter.
Hunter Hurts Field Black — Travis
Week 4: C− → Midterm: B+
Costume: Travis.
The recent version of Hunter Hurts Field Black is almost unrecognizable compared with September. Over the last three weeks, Travis has averaged 9.67 teams beaten per week, tied for best in the league, and the schedule has not particularly inflated the record. If anything, the 4-4 mark is slightly worse than the all-play expectation.
The full-semester numbers still keep the grade below an A because September remains on the transcript, but the direction is unmistakable. If the last three weeks are the real team, the rest of the league has a problem. If they are not, then somebody has gone to considerable trouble constructing an extremely convincing Travis costume.
The Curve: 48-40 all-play · 4.36 expected wins · 4 actual · −0.36 · Opponents: 5.9 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Extraordinary improvement. Identity verification remains pending.
Lamar My Balls in LaPorta — Mike “Burst”
Week 4: C+ → Midterm: B−
Costume: Charlie Brown.
Burst is the laboratory example from the math lesson. The work is roughly average. The record is not. His 42-46 all-play record suggests something close to a middle-of-the-pack team, while the actual standings say 2-6, and the reason is not difficult to locate: his opponents have averaged a little better than fourth in weekly scoring, the hardest draw in the league.
Week 8 itself was not some outrageous injustice—143.5 tied for seventh, and Burst would have lost to seven teams—but that is precisely why the season-long numbers matter more than any one anecdote. The schedule complaint is not “every loss was stolen.” It is that over eight weeks the matchups have consistently forced an average-ish team to clear a higher bar than everybody else. The result is roughly 1.8 wins below expectation, the largest negative gap in the league.
At this point the rock in the Halloween bag is not a surprise; the important thing is that we finally counted the rocks.
The Curve: 42-46 all-play · 3.82 expected wins · 2 actual · −1.82 · Opponents: 4.1 average weekly finish — hardest in the league
Teacher’s comment: Complaint upheld. Another rock has been documented.
To Be Determined — Bernie
Week 4: B+ → Midterm: C+
Costume: Ferris Bueller.
The 5-3 record is still ahead of the semester-long work, and Bernie’s opponents have averaged roughly eighth in weekly scoring, so the spreadsheet has plenty of material for the prosecution. At +1.27 wins above expectation, however, he is no longer even the luckiest team in the league; Josh has taken that particular trophy, presumably without asking whether anyone intended to award it.
Week 8 also complicated the case by being legitimately good. That is the frustrating thing about trying to prosecute Ferris: the attendance record is suspicious, everyone knows something is happening, and then he walks into the exam and gets the answer right. The C+ is therefore not “Bernie is bad.” It is “the 5-3 costume is more flattering than the full eight-week transcript.”
The Curve: 41-47 all-play · 3.73 expected wins · 5 actual · +1.27 · Opponents: 7.7 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Attendance suspicious. Test score accepted.
Thugz On Drugz — Kev
Week 4: A− → Midterm: C+
Costume: The Headless Horseman.
Kev’s early-season offense has gone missing. The recent work is below average, Week 8 provided no managerial alibi, and the all-play profile has slipped under .500. The schedule has been relatively friendly, too, which removes another potential excuse; the four actual wins are only modestly ahead of expectation, so the problem is not that Kev has been wildly lucky. The problem is that the team that looked like an A-minus in September has stopped producing A-minus work.
The team is still moving through the standings, but something fairly important appears to be absent above the shoulders.
The Curve: 40-48 all-play · 3.64 expected wins · 4 actual · +0.36 · Opponents: 6.6 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Student remains present. Offense has not been located.
Midnight Marauders — Jim
Week 4: B− → Midterm: C
Costume: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Jim remains the more complicated bad-luck case because his opponent draw has not been nearly as brutal as Burst’s. His opponents average a little above sixth in weekly scoring, basically middle territory, but the timing has been miserable: stronger opponents have tended to appear in the weeks when Jim actually produced a score capable of winning, while several weaker weeks offered no useful opening. That is how a 36-52 all-play record, worth about 3.27 wins, becomes an actual 2-6.
The schedule hurt him earlier. The recent scoring is now helping the schedule do the damage. Over the last three weeks Jim has averaged only 2.33 teams beaten, tied with Erica for the lowest mark in the league, and Week 8 added a half-point loss for good measure. Eventually even Dr. Jekyll runs out of ways to blame the laboratory.
The Curve: 36-52 all-play · 3.27 expected wins · 2 actual · −1.27 · Opponents: 6.1 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Half-point loss qualifies for counseling.
Any Given Sunday — Erica
Week 4: B+ → Midterm: C−
Costume: Cinderella at midnight.
The early-season version remains visible in the file, but the recent work has fallen sharply. Over the last three weeks Erica has averaged 2.33 teams beaten, tied with Jim for the lowest mark in the league. Week 8 itself was better, but it still ended in a loss, which leaves the carriage running just well enough to make everyone wonder how far it can get before midnight.
The schedule offers almost no explanatory escape hatch. Her actual three wins are almost exactly what the all-play profile deserves, and although the opponent draw has been on the easier side, it has not materially changed the record. This grade belongs almost entirely to the work.
The Curve: 32.5-55.5 all-play · 2.95 expected wins · 3 actual · +0.05 · Opponents: 7.4 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Carriage showing signs of mechanical trouble.
HoldinIn — Josh
Week 4: D− → Midterm: D−
Costume: The Invisible Man.
The standings can apparently see three wins. The spreadsheet cannot.
Josh’s 16.5-71.5 all-play record translates to about 1.5 expected wins, yet the actual record says 3-5, making him the current league leader in wins gained from schedule timing at +1.50. The funny part is that Josh has not even had the easiest schedule. His opponents have averaged around sixth in weekly scoring. The luck has been in when those opponents arrived: several of his weak scores happened to encounter teams having even worse weeks.
That makes Josh the cleanest possible demonstration of the difference between a soft schedule and favorable timing. Dave drew weaker opponents and barely gained any wins from it because he usually would have won anyway. Josh drew a fairly ordinary slate and squeezed roughly an extra win and a half out of it because the right opponents were bad on exactly the right Sundays.
Nobody is suggesting he return the victories. The spreadsheet would simply like to know who authorized the extra credit.
The Curve: 16.5-71.5 all-play · 1.50 expected wins · 3 actual · +1.50 — luckiest in the league · Opponents: 5.9 average weekly finish
Teacher’s comment: Extra credit continues to appear without authorization.
THE MIDTERM, SUMMARIZED
| Team | Owner | Week 4 | Midterm | All-Play | Wins +/- | Avg. Opponent Finish |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Three & Out | Dave | A | A | 63-25 | +0.27 | 8.0 |
| The Practice Squad | Mike Parkhurst | C | A | 55-33 | 0.00 | 5.8 |
| Shawnshank Redemption | Shawn | B | A− | 53-35 | +0.18 | 5.9 |
| Toilet Bowl or Bust!! | Tom | A | B | 52.5-35.5 | −0.77 | 7.6 |
| The Glass Clowns | Trey | B | B+ | 48.5-39.5 | +0.59 | 6.9 |
| Hunter Hurts Field Black | Travis | C− | B+ | 48-40 | −0.36 | 5.9 |
| Lamar My Balls in LaPorta | Mike “Burst” | C+ | B− | 42-46 | −1.82 | 4.1 |
| To Be Determined | Bernie | B+ | C+ | 41-47 | +1.27 | 7.7 |
| Thugz On Drugz | Kev | A− | C+ | 40-48 | +0.36 | 6.6 |
| Midnight Marauders | Jim | B− | C | 36-52 | −1.27 | 6.1 |
| Any Given Sunday | Erica | B+ | C− | 32.5-55.5 | +0.05 | 7.4 |
| HoldinIn | Josh | D− | D− | 16.5-71.5 | +1.50 | 5.9 |
Halfway through the semester, the spreadsheet has established several things the league had previously been arguing about with considerably less evidence. Dave really is the best team, and he is also the cleanest proof that an easy schedule is not the same thing as schedule-created wins. Parkhurst has gone from 0-3 to one of the strongest teams in the league without requiring a statistical excuse. Shawn’s record is almost exactly what his work deserves. Tom’s full-semester résumé remains excellent while the recent assignments are setting off alarms. Travis and Trey are moving sharply in the right direction, while Kev’s early A-level production has disappeared.
Burst owns the strongest legitimate schedule complaint, but even his −1.82 is not evidence that supernatural forces have selected him for punishment; it is regular unlucky, just toward the ugly end of regular. Josh has now replaced Bernie as the league’s luckiest team by wins gained, and he provides the mirror image: regular lucky rather than touched by God. Bernie still has a flattering record relative to the underlying work, although he complicated the prosecution by turning in one of his better performances immediately before grades were due. Jim’s bad luck has gradually acquired an accomplice named Recent Performance, while Erica is trying to get the carriage restarted before midnight.
The costumes come off after Halloween, but the grades stay on the transcript. By Week 12, we find out which teams were actually monsters and which ones were just wearing the mask.
WEEK 9: THE FIRST TEST AFTER THE MIDTERM
Naturally, the schedule responded to the report cards by assigning everyone exactly the test they would least like to take.
Three & Out — Dave vs. Lamar My Balls in LaPorta — Mike “Burst” is the spreadsheet’s favorite game because it immediately puts the league’s best all-play team across from the owner with the strongest schedule complaint. Dave’s A is real, Burst’s grievance is real, and Week 9 has apparently decided that the easiest way to settle the argument is to put both students at adjacent desks and say, “Fine. Switch papers.” If Dave wins, the D+ draft-grade grievance becomes even harder to maintain. If Burst wins, somebody needs to confiscate his phone before “I told you so” becomes a public-safety issue.
Hunter Hurts Field Black — Travis vs. Toilet Bowl or Bust!! — Tom gives us the hottest recent student against the honor-roll student whose last three assignments have been disappointing. Tom can still point to one of the best season-long scoring profiles in the league, while Travis can point to the last three weeks and ask whether anyone has been paying attention. It is semester GPA against current form, except one student has now renamed his team Toilet Bowl or Bust!! and the other may not be the same person who attended September classes.
Midnight Marauders — Jim vs. The Practice Squad — Mike Parkhurst feels needlessly cruel. Jim just lost by half a point, received a C on the Midterm and owns a record more than a win below what the all-play scoring says it deserves. His reward is an assignment against Parkhurst, who has won five straight and owns the second-best all-play record in the league. Jim filed a complaint about adverse conditions and was apparently rewarded with additional adverse conditions.
The Glass Clowns — Trey vs. Shawnshank Redemption — Shawn may be the strongest pure football matchup on the schedule. Trey just turned in the highest score of Week 8 and is starting to resemble the preseason favorite again, while Shawn has been the steadier student all semester and owns one of the league’s strongest all-play records. One of them gets to 6-3. The other drops into the 5-4 crowd and has to spend another week listening to Dave explain how nobody respects him.
Thugz On Drugz — Kev vs. To Be Determined — Bernie is a direct challenge to two of the Midterm’s stronger judgments. Kev needs to show that the recent offensive decline is temporary, while Bernie gets another chance to make the spreadsheet look petty for pointing out that his record is ahead of his underlying scoring. If Kev wins, the grade looks prophetic. If Bernie wins again, the spreadsheet may need to stop gathering evidence and hire a private investigator.
Finally, HoldinIn — Josh vs. Any Given Sunday — Erica has the unmistakable feel of two students being assigned peer tutoring without either one being told who is supposed to be the tutor. Josh is now officially the league leader in wins gained from favorable timing despite owning the worst all-play record by a wide margin, while Erica’s recent scoring is tied for the weakest in the league. One of them is going to leave Week 9 at 4-5, which feels less like a winning record than a clerical loophole.
The grades have been posted, the costumes have been judged and the appeals have been filed. Week 9 is where everyone gets to start proving whether the Midterm understood them correctly.
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